1:09 p.m. - 2003-10-23
childed musings
First off, I'm feeling much better. 2 days worth of antibiotics worked wonders. (Yes, of course I'm going to finish the entire pack. I'm not stupid.) The congestion has gone away almost completely, and my fever is gone, so now it's just the annoying cough. I'm coughing so hard that it's making my head hurt, which is distinctly unpleasant, but at least I'm sleeping at night. I will, however, live. Which is more than I can say for Steve. He's been really whiny the past couple of days as he's gotten sick, and I swear I'm going to kill him soon if he doesn't stop acting like he's dyyyyyying. This seems to be a peculiar trait of men; the idea that they, obviously, are much sicker than anyone else who has ever been sick, and so even though their spouses can manage to cook dinner, do laundry, and do childcare while they are sick, when the guy gets sick it's a different story and they need to take long naps and whine a lot. Bah.
I've been thinking a lot about having another baby lately. It seems like everyone I know with a kid around Jamie's age is either pregnant or just had a baby. (Well, with the exception of my friend Michele, but her youngest is her fourth, so she's entitled!) I don't know. There are a lot of reasons to have another one. I was an only child and I was unbearably lonely a lot of the time. I remember when I was a kid playing games like Monopoly by myself (and against myself, where I'd play 2 players or more) because my mom didn't want to and I didn't have anyone else to play with. Also, I'd really like to have a daughter, although I know having another baby is not a guarantee of that. :) I'd like Jamie to have a sibling. And I'd just plain like to have a *baby* again. Jamie's not one, anymore, and I miss it. I also have this vague sense of wanting to do a birth "right," because Jamie's was so awful for me.
Then there are the cons. My relationship situation is still not absolutely stable. I have some health reasons why getting pregnant now might not be the best thing for me, first and foremost among them the pre-eclampsia thing. I don't want that to happen again, obviously. I know that we probably can't provide in the same way for 2 kids that we could for 1, but at least part of that will be ameliorated by homeschooling--I'll know that they're getting a good education without having to worry about affording private schools.
I have a concern about spacing. Ideally, in my "master plan", I'd want to be pregnant already and have a baby in the spring of next year, just before Jamie turns 3. (And trust me, it does not help that one of the "perfect mommies" at Gymboree who has a toddler almost exactly Jamie's age--they're 4 days apart--is due in March with her second.) I'm willing to wait until spring of 2005, or in other words, to start trying to get pregnant next summer--but I don't really want to wait much longer than that. Kids who are more than 4 years apart tend to be raised like only children not as close to their siblings growing up, etc. That's not what I want, so I have a feeling that unless my life situation changes drastically, if we haven't gotten around to having a kid by the time Jamie's 4, it probably won't happen. There are times when I think that would be an ok thing, and times when the idea of it makes me really sad. And I just don't know what to do.
Sigh. Really frustrating.
On the up side, Jamie had a good time at Gymboree today. We did lots of painting, which he loves, and then we went to the play class that meets right after (and slightly during) his art class. I'm really enjoying going to that class--it's taught by Marlo, who is his normal teacher, but it's much smaller than his normal class, so the kids get a lot more individual attention. I'm thinking about switching him to a music class (which I think meets on Wednesdays) instead of art for winter session, and then putting him in the Thursday play class, because the Tuesday one is crazybusy.
Which means, of course, that once again Steve will never have any idea what time Jamie's Gymboree classes are. But that's ok. :)
bye for now,
-baf :)
